Where are your manners girl?

Do you go staring at other people then suddenly burst into laughter? Do you ever call people by “psst”? Do you go hitting other people for no apparent reason? Do you say rude comments to others as if you were perfect? Do you talk to your friend’s parents as if just talking to your friend? If so, where are your manners girl?!

I HATE people without manners. I mean, don’t you? I can get really deadma to practically everything around me but that. I don’t know if it’s a gift. I think more of it as a curse. It tends to prompt my red button that is typically ice-cold and defective.

I don’t know. I guess I just can’t imagine how insensitive other people can get. Which leads me to ask... is it really their fault? Do they really have something to do about that? Do they do it deliberately? Or sub-consciously? Is it their personal choice to be one? Or genetic perhaps? Is it their parents’ upbringing? Or not having parents even? Is it not having the privilege of going to a good school? Or not having to go to one? You know what? I don’t care.

All I know is that I am not one of them. I may be mean to them but I do it with class. And it’s definitely not making patol ha. I think it’s just good that once in a while someone will remind them, “Hey, you’re in the real world. You might wanna bring your manners with you wherever you go ‘cuz there are more people out there who can get more bitchy than I can. You don’t wanna bump into them unprepared, do ya? Believe me. I’m doing this for you.” haha. ‘course I don’t literally say those words. I do it subtly, but I make sure I convey that message to them. I can’t just say “Where are your manners girl? Have you left them at home?” Man, that would make me one of them and I surely don’t want to be branded as such.

Still, we can’t expect all of them to hear and understand us. There will always be people who know nothing of good conduct. Let them be. After all, the well-mannered are the ones who can understand.

bananarama

24 HOURS

~ laoag city ~

don't you think 24 hours in a day seem not enough?

i'm here in laoag, ilocos norte to attend the birthday party of my three-year old niece and have a rest from the fast paced city life. my so-called rest included baby sitting my niece. watching her play and make kulit to everybody made me miss my childhood days. i envy kids who are not aware of time. who don't even know what's eating time and playing time. unlike most of us adults who have to be aware of every little thing -including time- because not being aware of it can blow things up for us. everything has to be scheduled. everything has to be in place. i mean, i can't even leave the house without my watch!

much worse, my hectic daily life seems to make me think -- is 24 hours enough to call it a day?

maintaining an 8 to 5 job. juggling exercise activities after office hours to keep fit, like having evening runs or playing badminton. if not so, doing some groceries. being home by 8pm if it's 'one tree hill' day. sitting over coffee with a long lost friend. going to dinner dates. attending a band practice. reviewing for the gpats. before going to bed, of course i can't miss out on my listening to music and reading anything. it's something i can't get out of my system. i think that's part of my musical and brain feeding.

does that seem simple to you? well, not with three different groups of badminton people. not with so many circle of friends to attend coffee or dinner dates with. not with three bands.

i guess that's why i always look forward to saturday nights. it's the only time i can do things out of schedule. things unplanned. sometimes even things totally uncalled for. saturday nights seem endless for me. no time frame. but then again, not quite.

after weekends are weekdays. that's just the way things are. it's just another 24 hours to deal with. 24 hours to make use of. 24 hours to squeeze everything in. it's funny even finding time to wonder... is 24 hours enough to call it a day?

weeeeehoooo!

YEAH BABY. YAN ANG RUSH.

KWENTONG TAXI

hindi ko man po ginusto pero madalas akong magtaxi. Pano, kadalasan may dala akong gitara. Kung hindi naman, badminton bag. Kung hindi naman, malaking laruan para sa pamangkin ko. O kaya’y malaking bag kase maga-out of town kami ng mga kaibigan ko. o kaya’y tinatamad lang talaga ako magcommute.

Shempre bago sumakay, tinitignan ko muna kong ok ang hitsura ni manong driver. Kung masmukha akong sanggano kesa sa kanya (na madalas mangyari), pinapara ko na sha. alam ko mejo delikado, pero ayoko magmaneho ng sariling sasakyan eh. Bukod sa traffic, po-problemahin ko pa ang parking. Chaka taga-mandaluyong po ako. Lahat ng puntahan kong karatig lungsod ay humigit kumulang na isang daan lang ang pasahe. pwede na kung tutuusin. Solo ko ang sasakyan. Solo ko ang upuan. Solo ko ang aircon. At solo ko ang mga kwento ni manong.

seryoso, may mga taxi drivers na nakakatuwang kausap o obserbahan. Kahit man lang sa ganung paraan ay may makausap o makasalamuha akong ordinaryong tao. hindi ko kailangang mag-isip at makipag-debate, pero pagbaba ng taxi ay mapapangiti ako sa mga pinag-usapan. Nakakatanggal ng stress.

Minsan, pumara ako ng taxi. “manong, sa 20th ave po ako, sa cubao.” Hindi ko sinasadyang may kasama pang accent ang 20th ko. “tweny-yeth” ba. Pagkasakay ko sabi sa akin ni manong, “miss, hindi ba hanggang twenty lang yun? Wala atang twenty-eight dun. Saan ka ba?” Ako’y napangiti. Sabi ko nga. “opo, manong. Sa twenty ave.” sa susunod, alam ko na. alam niyo na rin. Twenty ave ha?

Isang gabi pauwi ako galing katipunan. ang daan ko ay yung sa pasikot-sikot sa green meadows na ang labas ay ortigas. Mga sisenta anyos na din ata si manong driver. Sa pasikot-sikot na yun, nag-right signal sha. Tapos hindi na niya maaalalang tanggalin yun pagkaliko namin. Kahit dumederecho na kami. Kahit pa-kaliwa pa kami. Wala shang kamuwang muwang sa tunog ng “tikitik”. E ako naman si sira-ulo, naaaliw sa kanya kaya pinapanood ko lang sha. Kase bukod sa naka-right signal kame buong oras na yun, saksakan pa ng bagal ang takbo namin. Alamo niyo kung bakit? Si lolo driver ay nagtetext. Ka-text ata si lola. Mabagal din ata ang exchange of texts and sweet nothings nila. Pagkalabas ng edsa, dun ko na sha kinausap. “manong, nasa edsa napo tayo. Kung maaari po ay tanggalin na natin yun right signal natin at mamaya na po kayo magtext.” Sabay ngiti sa kanya. Pinatay niya yun signal, tapos ngumiti nalang din sha sa akin.

Yung isang manong driver naman dati, akala ko iiyak sa pagkwento sa akin. Seaman daw sha dati. Nung tinanong ko sha kung bakit hindi nalang niya ipagpatuloy yun pagsi-seaman, sabi niya kailangan daw niyang bantayan ang mga anak niya dito sa manila kaya nagmaneho na lang ng taxi. Nung na- on shore daw kase sha apat na taon ang nakalipas, nanlalake daw ang misis niya. Pinagpalit daw sha sa “demonyong pari”. Sabi ko “manong, malupit talaga ang buhay. Ang importante hinaharap natin ito araw-araw.” Ang masmalupit pala dun ay yun yung paring nagkasal sa kanila. Sabi ko na lang, “Manong, pagkakitaan niyo nalang yang storya niyo. Sumulat ka sa Maala-ala Mo Kaya.”

Minsan naman tinanong ako ni manong driver “kailan ka ikakasal? Yung anak ko kaseng babae ikakasal na. Panget daw yun lalaki, pero may bahay na.” Eh di natawa ako. Ako ba daw ay papayag sa ganun? Sabi ko hindi ko masasabe. Biglang sabi niya, “eh kung may bahay at kamukha ni tom cruise?” sumagot ako, “eh pucha naman manong! Go na go na yun! Bukas na bukas pakakasalan ko yun!” biglang hirit ba naman si manong driver “kahit kasing liit ni dagul?!!” sabay tawa. Hay. Pagtripan ba ang pasahero?!

Pero shempre hindi lahat ng manong drivers mababait at kwela. At hindi din sa lahat ng panahon nasa mood ako makipag-usap. Sa mga ganung panahon, nakatingin lang ako sa bintana, nag-iisip. O nagtetext. O nakikinig sa discman ko. pero sa ngayon, madilim sa labas ng bintana, wala akong maisip, wala akong matext at hindi ko dala ang discman ko. masungit ang manong driver ng nasakyan kong taxi. Kaya sa kahabaan ng edsa, imbes na mabagot, sinulat ko na lang ito.

HOLDING ON

Don’t you ever wonder about what you are holding on to? Who is this person? Does this person deserve me? or, Is this person really worth the shit I’m going through? Read this through and I hope you realize something. In relationships, you basically hold on to the following:

1 something you have
It’s that someone you simply have. “Mahal kung sa mahal”, so they say. But the fact of the matter is you’re just either tired or scared of looking for the one who could really make you happy. So you just settle with him. Through the years, you’re still with him and you’ve gone through a lot. You are even attached to each other’s families. But you don’t love him. But you hold on to him. Simply because he’s the one you’ve got.

2 something you believe in
It’s that someone who you’ve invested so much feelings for, that you believe someday you will reap the seeds you sow. That no matter how gago he is to you -- you know, always promising he’d change and all – you keep on believing in him. You believe in fate. Destiny. Serendipity. You believe in the relationship that you have built. That whatever obstacle may come into your way, you will hold on to him. Simply because you believe.


3 something you don’t even have
It’s holding on to someone who already has someone else to hold on to. How do you hold on to something you don’t even have? It’s keeping yourself updated about him, checking on him. Hoping that someday his hands are free to hold on to you. It is waiting outside the door so that when he walks out crying, you will be the first thing he sees. If he never comes out from the door, then so be it. That’s the risk you take from choosing to hold on to something you don’t even have.

You know, it’s good enough if you have either one first two.

It’s good enough to hold on to someone who is simply there. Probably, what that kind of a relationship needs is some spice. Probably an out-of-town trip. An experience that would actually explain and, perhaps, justify (?!) that someone’s existence.

It’s also good enough to hold on to something that we believe in. After all, faith blinds all negative thoughts and energies. Faith never assures but it always provides hope. That’s what’s important. Seeing what could be, rather than what could not be.

On the other hand, I tell you to throw a party this weekend if what you’re holding on to now is something that you both HAVE and BELIEVE in. You’re one hell of a lucky human being. (I hate you for that and don’t you ever visit my blogsite again! Joke! Harhar!).

On holding on to something you don’t even have? It’s better holding on to something you don’t even have than be not brave enough not to hold on to anything at all. Keep on dreaming. And on the day you wake up, it’s either you have finally something to hold on to or you better start looking somewhere else.

It’s like learning to ice skate. You are ice skating with him, because he is with you. You learn to skate together. But unless you find some fun in that, all you will do is just skate and skate and skate and skate. Because he is just with you.

Or maybe you are skating with him, but he can’t seem to get it. Say, he’s an artist and knows nothing of physical balance. But you hold him up, support and urge him to do better. Because you believe in him.

Or again, you are just in the same rink. But you keep your distance and observe. You watch him to learn ice skating with another and you wait for what happens next. Should they learn ice skates together and appear to be happy, go find another. They are freakin’ lucky to HAVE each other and BELIEVE in each other. But until such time you notice one of them gets tired and gives up, go and make your move towards him. You’ll never know, she might enjoy ice skating more with somebody else, and him with you.

Holding on keeps you there. Not holding on to anything at all is like floating. It’s skating in thin ice with nobody else around that you could hold on to. So whatever it is you hold on to, hold on a little longer. Because you’ll never know when you will be lucky enough.

U JUDGE

last saturday, my friends and i were involved in a 3-car accident along quezon avenue. it was minor though, and i don't wanna elaborate on that. major hassle lang. the thing here is, the accident happened in front of a bunch of women who were making tambay on the side of the road. they were about 20-30 women. PIMPS, to be exact.

of course, we couldn't remove the positioning of the cars since we were waiting for the police investigators to arrive. but then, the cars were blocking their sights, or should i say, the cars were blocking them to be seen by potential customers. then these pimps started to shout at us, "tanggalin niyo na kase yan jan. nakakasira kayo ng negosyo!"

unbelievable.

anong negosyo?

good thing i have this gift of keeping my cool. had i been some hot-headed chick, they would have received some really harsh words from me. but i let it pass.

hay. no further comments. u judge.

C I T R U S M A R B L E

Citrus refers to lustrous foliage or plants native to Southeast Asia. What’s interesting about it is that it is perennially fresh.

A Marble is a metamorphic rock composed of interlocking crystals. It’s hard and heavy, but at the same time, smooth and cool.

The crystals are composed of Niña on vocals, Joie on rhythm guitar/back up vocals, Melay on lead guitar/back up vocals, Paul on bass guitar and Joey on drums.

Lustrous, interesting, fresh, hard, heavy, smooth and cool. That’s how we describe our music. Catch us on our gigs if you want a taste of it. (by the way, we leave the pop and rnb stuff to other bands.)

Oh, and did I say I play with a bunch of good looking people?

i do.

WABY'ALL!

This may be a bit cheesy, but hey, just want to take this opportunity to thank all of my friends. Life's been a blast because of you! I just feel so blessed having you guys in my life. You guys rock!

Karen, yao, lanee, pinugs, deanna and gavino: I used to say that high school life would have been boring if I didn’t meet you guys. Well you know what? My whole life’s gonna be boring without you guys.
Jo: For the lessons learned the hard way but definitely all worth it. Look at me now.
Glenn: For making me laugh in the office every single day. You make me forget I hate being there!
Em: Despite my teasing (lammo naman lambing lang yun! Hehe!), you never fail to let me feel your ending support in all the crazy things I do.
Paras: Need I list down the things you’ve shared with me? Got time?
Ate: who definitely deserves to be in this list because she’s truly one of my best friends.
Margaux: For the argumentations and debates. Some encouragements and mostly discouragements. Heheh.
Daday: Who was unbelievably patient with me when I asked about blogsites. I wouldn’t have set this up in a few days if it weren’t for her.

Although I didn’t mention all your names it doesn’t mean I love you less! Baka maging melay fansite ito sa kapag inisa-isa ko kayo! Hehe! Thanks to all ya peeps: science women’s basketball team; ust actuarial science batch 2001 (kamote boys, badminton peeps, toma peeps, etc.); tpg officemates; citrus marble and former bandmates; philhealth badminton and drinking buddies; philhealth people; running buddies from axn and other races; the CORE; my out-of-town buddies and their better-halves; to my better-half ==> where and who the hell are you? !

As I always say “WABY’ALL”!

PANIC MODE !!!

I spent last weekend in Puerto Galera (again). Going back to the pier, people who were sitting on the ferry’s nose were asked to go inside since it wasn’t safe to stay there anymore. It was around 4:00pm, it was raining and the waves were relatively stronger than the usual. Michelle, my panicky friend, suddenly asked me “Melay? Pwede na ba humawak ng life vest?” I answered, “shempre naman”. Smiling and looking away, I remember being in a similar situation a couple of years back. It’s what you are about to read – and more. Hope you realize the things which make you panic in your every day life and I hope they make you panic even more!

There was a time when we were stuck in the waters form Puerto Galera to Batangas Pier. It was around 4:30pm when the fan belt of our ferry broke. Thirty long minutes passed. The huge waves splashing against our ferry made my co-passengers panic. A companion was already talking to his wife on the phone. There was one who was throwing up. Some were praying. And another held on to a life vest as if it was the last. Take note, there were like only 10 of us in the ferry. I mean hello?! There were like 40 extra vests around the vessel! Shaking my head in disbelief, I stood up, sat in the boat’s nose, looked around, hoping to see sharks around us. They say they come out at that particular time.

Here’s another story. On board a flight to Iloilo, the captain announced that we were having a hard time landing because we were experiencing mechanical difficulties. We’ve been flying in circles for quite some time already and a stewardess was leading the rosary over the intercom. Sitting beside me was my supervisor at that time, who looked terrified, considering she was getting married in a couple of months. As I looked through the window, I was thinking, “What a way to die. I hope they find my body if we lose fuel and plunge into the waters.” I was cool though. I find it even funny that at those times, all I was thinking was I should have said yes to that life insurance agent.

Remember the time of Mindanao bombings? Well, at that time I was in this resort in Davao del Norte. The place was not easy to go to. It was like 4-5 hours away from Davao City. We literally drove beside mountains and through forests. It was dark. Our convoy was broken. And there was no cellphone signal. I don’t know how we got to our destination, I actually didn’t care anymore. I slept through the night like a baby. After all, I had to wake up early the next to prepare for a presentation after lunch. I woke up all cuddled up in my bed. Checked on my phone like I usually do, only to realize there was really no signal in the area. It was so remote, there wasn’t even a landline. It was a good thing I forgot all about that when I stepped out of my room. It was the freshest air I’ve ever breathed in a long time. Greens were all around. I can literally touch the foot of the mountain. Oh and the pool! How can I forget the huge bean-shaped pool! I rushed to touch the water, while two of my officemates from there asked how I find the place. I was about to answer them when I saw a soldier walking around the pool. “Ngak!! Ano ba yan! Bat may sundalo dito! Buti nakakaligo kayo ng nanjan yan?!” They answered, “Ano ka ba Ms Melay, maganda nga nanjan yan eh. Bakit ka ba natatakot? Pasalamat nga tayo dito tayo eh. Yun dati ngang pinuntahan mo, maraming Abu Sayyaf e. Dito wala mashado, NPAs lang.” I smiled. Deep inside, “Wow. Salamat ha.” On the other hand, I remembered a friend whose wish was to interview an NPA. It was interesting to know their views and what they really stand for. I ran to the room in excitement to call my friend, but again, only to realize – there was no signal.

I guess that’s just me. I really don’t panic in such situations. I’m a take-it-easy, relaxed, laid back kind of fella. After all, my composure will help loosen up things.

But you know what’s funny? I panic in situations not of those nature. Such as seeing my clock read 7:30am on a weekday. I panic when the BPI ATM system is down on a gimik night. I panic when my cellphone loses battery. I panic when I hear my pop’s voice. I panic when I’m late for a date. I panic when Globe reminds me to settle my dues. I panic when I see my badminton friends at the office lobby in my running attire and on my way to the ultra oval, when I should be playing badminton with them. I panic when I’m in the brink of falling in love. In which cases, after everything that happened, I find myself laughing at who else? Me. Hehe.

Which makes me wonder.. Why the hell do I not panic in life-threatening situations? I guess we all get shaken in different ways. Have you ever wondered in which cases do you panic? Are you like melay who panics in mostly insignificant things but shrugs off grave matters? Or the total opposite – not panicky in everyday life but then easily panicked by a simple air turbulence or sound of a gun fire? Just something to think about and make you smile.

To cap it all, I think it’s just proper that you know how my escapades ended.

• The fan belt story? Well, we waited for around ten more minutes when the last trip from pier found us and gave us their extra belt. Oh, and there were no sharks still. Darn.
  
• The Iloilo flight story? Well, our emergency landing in Cebu was successful. We just had to eat lunch in their airport and transfer to another plane.
  
• And the Mindanao story? Can you imagine yourself so helpless with a cellphone unit but with no signal for three days? Jeez. That was hard. In my 3 days stay in Davao del Norte and 2 days stay in Davao City, a bomb exploded in Koronadal City. It was on the news. Months after, the waiting shed in Davao Airport was also bombed. I used to be picked up in that exact shed. Amazing.
  
• Oh, and my panicky friend Michelle? Nope, she didn’t grab a life vest. All she needed was my other discman earphone on her left ear, and jack’s hand on hers.

the scene

**i wrote this song about a year and a half ago**

you finally broke your silence
to my unanswered calls
you gave me your reasons
you had all the reasons
you left me
with no choice at all..
so you wish me well
and i do the same to you
it's the heavy air
it stops me
from saying everything i want to..

.. and it's rubbing salt in the wound
if i would've asked you to stay ..

i would, if i could
but i can't
'cause you won't let me..
i would, if i could
but i can't
'cause you don't give a damn..

starting tomorrow i'm gonna put you
at the back of my mind
and you won't see me
at your periphery
watching you with somebody else
not me..

.. but i would've stolen the show
if i had just asked you to stay..

i would, if i could
but i can't
'cause you won't let me..
i would, if i could
but i can't
'cause you don't give a damn..

the beach without the sun

my kind of thing ...

OVER-ANALYZING

They say too much of anything can be bad. Too much drinking, too much eating, even too much exercise. Too much thinking? I believe so. I’m a person who thinks a lot. I am not claiming to be highly intellectual. I think a lot in the sense that I wonder about a lot of things. I wonder what the ants say when they bump into each other. And that needle-like prick in our hearts when our feelings get hurt? I wonder where that muscle responsible for that pain is located. I wonder when I will die. I wonder why is it so hard to lose weight when gaining is so easy.

Wondering manifests curiosity. A lot of what’s, where’s, when’s and why’s. On the other hand, analysis manifests prudence. A lot of what if’s and how come’s. Over-analysis manifests paranoia. I guess. Over-analysis requires a lot of thinking. It needs a person capable of looking at different scenarios, especially those that normal people don’t see. She sees the different conditions of which the solution set should belong to in order to attain a certain equality. Ok, well, I am an over-analyst. And no matter how I make it sound beautiful, I know it’s not. (Hehe. I was just trying to mess your mind up. You see, my reader, I was just thinking of what you could be thinking. My over-analyzing sickness jumps out of nowhere most of the time.) So where was i? hehe.. ah ok, as I was telling, I’m an over-analyst and I honestly don’t know if it’s something to be proud of or not. If you look at it on one side, you’ll think that an over-analyst exaggerates things that need not be exaggerated, you’ll think that she is a pessimist. Not exactly so. But yes – most of the time, as an over-analyst, my worries get the better of me.

But you know what? There’s also a lighter side to being one. My ability of over analyzing situations has gotten me out of trouble for the longest time. For one, I never grew up as a problem child because as far as I can remember, I have been thinking of consequences I would have to face if I failed a subject in school, or if I got into a fight, or if I cheated. (I mean, if I was caught cheating. Hehe!) It has also prevented me from making mistakes that left permanent damages in my life. Or mistakes that were life-changing. Like I was never a troubled teen who was drowning in drugs or I didn’t become a teenage mom. (hey, I don’t have anything against teenage mums here, ok?)I also have the tendency to over-analyze new people who come into my life, especially guys who show deeper intentions for me. And believe me -- it has worked for my own good a hundred times. Although i could not disregard the fact that it has also cost me some potential relationships. I guess that's the only not-so-bright side of it.

Nevertheless, i am still an over-analyst.

Basically what I am trying to say here is that in our day to day living, thinking is important. Over-analyzing? A necessity. Especially nowadays when everything is a sensitive issue --- individuality, lifestyle, money, career, politics, even safety and security. You’ll never know when people are just getting the best of you for their own interest. But at the same time, when it comes to love, most of the time it’s better not to think anymore. Let loose. Grab every opportunity that may come your way. Rather than analyzing situations, BE in the situations that might happen. Don’t think of the risks. Think of the fun you’ll get out of it while taking those risks. Set aside analysis. Go foolish for love. After all, love is something that could not be captured by reasoning.

Live and (over) analyze. Love and go crazy.