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Monday, October 18, 2004

HOLDING ON

Don’t you ever wonder about what you are holding on to? Who is this person? Does this person deserve me? or, Is this person really worth the shit I’m going through? Read this through and I hope you realize something. In relationships, you basically hold on to the following:

1 something you have
It’s that someone you simply have. “Mahal kung sa mahal”, so they say. But the fact of the matter is you’re just either tired or scared of looking for the one who could really make you happy. So you just settle with him. Through the years, you’re still with him and you’ve gone through a lot. You are even attached to each other’s families. But you don’t love him. But you hold on to him. Simply because he’s the one you’ve got.

2 something you believe in
It’s that someone who you’ve invested so much feelings for, that you believe someday you will reap the seeds you sow. That no matter how gago he is to you -- you know, always promising he’d change and all – you keep on believing in him. You believe in fate. Destiny. Serendipity. You believe in the relationship that you have built. That whatever obstacle may come into your way, you will hold on to him. Simply because you believe.


3 something you don’t even have
It’s holding on to someone who already has someone else to hold on to. How do you hold on to something you don’t even have? It’s keeping yourself updated about him, checking on him. Hoping that someday his hands are free to hold on to you. It is waiting outside the door so that when he walks out crying, you will be the first thing he sees. If he never comes out from the door, then so be it. That’s the risk you take from choosing to hold on to something you don’t even have.

You know, it’s good enough if you have either one first two.

It’s good enough to hold on to someone who is simply there. Probably, what that kind of a relationship needs is some spice. Probably an out-of-town trip. An experience that would actually explain and, perhaps, justify (?!) that someone’s existence.

It’s also good enough to hold on to something that we believe in. After all, faith blinds all negative thoughts and energies. Faith never assures but it always provides hope. That’s what’s important. Seeing what could be, rather than what could not be.

On the other hand, I tell you to throw a party this weekend if what you’re holding on to now is something that you both HAVE and BELIEVE in. You’re one hell of a lucky human being. (I hate you for that and don’t you ever visit my blogsite again! Joke! Harhar!).

On holding on to something you don’t even have? It’s better holding on to something you don’t even have than be not brave enough not to hold on to anything at all. Keep on dreaming. And on the day you wake up, it’s either you have finally something to hold on to or you better start looking somewhere else.

It’s like learning to ice skate. You are ice skating with him, because he is with you. You learn to skate together. But unless you find some fun in that, all you will do is just skate and skate and skate and skate. Because he is just with you.

Or maybe you are skating with him, but he can’t seem to get it. Say, he’s an artist and knows nothing of physical balance. But you hold him up, support and urge him to do better. Because you believe in him.

Or again, you are just in the same rink. But you keep your distance and observe. You watch him to learn ice skating with another and you wait for what happens next. Should they learn ice skates together and appear to be happy, go find another. They are freakin’ lucky to HAVE each other and BELIEVE in each other. But until such time you notice one of them gets tired and gives up, go and make your move towards him. You’ll never know, she might enjoy ice skating more with somebody else, and him with you.

Holding on keeps you there. Not holding on to anything at all is like floating. It’s skating in thin ice with nobody else around that you could hold on to. So whatever it is you hold on to, hold on a little longer. Because you’ll never know when you will be lucky enough.

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